Those Phrases from A Dad That Rescued Us as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger inability to open up among men, who still hold onto negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a pause - spending a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."